Dear Diary,
I hate Nights of the Dead.
It's not the carnivals ripe with pockets for picking.
It's not the rampant use of masks and disguises, which make Briganding OH so EASY (especially when dressed as a Swash haha!)
It's certainly not the influx of vampires (oh Mayong!).
It's not all the marshmallows and chocolate (yum!).
It's not the ghosts and ghouls and goblins and zombies - though the ghouls and zombies leave my swords icky.
It's not the spiders or the snakes (ok, the snakes are not my favorite).
It's not the scary stories (LOVE the scary stories!).
It's not the haunted houses (wee! a thrill!).
It's not bobbing for frosted apples (trolls always win with their big mouths, though).
It's that *I* am often the source of the celebration.
Turns out I'm dead an awful lot.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Why "Vegetarianism" is not a good option in Norrath
I decided to stop eating meat. I was starting to feel we were getting a little crazy with the carnivorous inclinations as it was, but after seeing a gnome battle down a live fae in a tavern one night, I decided I was done with it. I mean, really, it was like watching a wild haired anaconda stuff a rainbow down its gullet. After a while, I just couldn't watch (just an fyi, that fae did not STAY down).
I set out to stop eating meat and to become a vegetarian. The first night, I accidentally ate a Shroomba.
No one told me till too late. I ordered a Portabello Steak and didn't think to ask the origin. Some enterprising human had yanked him right out of the Faydark. I felt awful about it.
I set out to stop eating meat and to become a vegetarian. The first night, I accidentally ate a Shroomba.
No one told me till too late. I ordered a Portabello Steak and didn't think to ask the origin. Some enterprising human had yanked him right out of the Faydark. I felt awful about it.
Well, actually I still feel guilt ridden, because honestly? He was *delicious.*
"Vegetarian," in Norrath may simply refer to "Non-Cow Eating," or, if a Vampire of the current era, Non Human Blood Drinking (but Elves, and especially Wood Elves, are fair game. Druids of any race especially choice. What makes humans get special treatment, I wonder?). I decided that term was too ...vague...for my tastes.
So I now no longer eat anything that once had eyes. Including potatoes. Just in case.
It didn't have a name, so I just made one up: Eclectitarianism. Because polite folks would call it "eclectic." To my face, at least. "Weird" perhaps to my back.
Happily, Halfling cuisine, while not exactly high on the health meter, has large amounts of non-sentient ingredients. I've been enjoying butter and sugar soaked dishes from the Baubleshire, and of course, Voleen's. The non-sentient ingredient shopping in Freeport is sadly limited to acrid coffee and ale, and the ale is even questionable.
I cannot. Will not. Betray for a diet.
But when the griffin takes a sharp turn and I lose a half dozen pumpkin muffins into the Torrent River? I find myself feeling... a little tempted.
Thankfully, Windstalker Village has a little shop I can duck into without much hassle and every day more choices are appearing on the tables. Some enterprising folks have caught on to the idea that not everyone likes dried orc eyeballs, moldy cheese, or rat on a stick, and food export is starting to catch on.
By the way, just as a side note, as folks might wonder why I don't go to Rivervale... there's really nothing there but honey that hasn't been imported, and I've sworn off Bixie Honey from the Drafling. The stories coming back on collection methods give me the shivers: hives and combs trampled, Bixies slaughtered, living quarters looted, pollen corrupted. There's a Pollen Sniffing problem in neutral city schools among some of the less "enlightened" teachers.
Anyway, a typical day for an Eclectitarian:
Breakfast:
Tea + Windstalker Bovine Milk (we don't want to talk about the other options)
Oats + vanilla + Non Drafling Bixie Honey (harvested by Best Bixies at a Qeynosian Hive only accessible from inside the city. It's a Bixie Run and Operated Bixie Honey hive. Voleen gets her honey there, just in case you want to support sustainable and ethical honey harvests)
Snack:
Cheese Onion & Spinach Quiche
Lunch:
Rice rolls from Shin Village Sushi with assorted seasonal vegetables (cucumber, avocado, zucchini).
Vegetable Tempura
Green Tea
Snack:
Apple Pastry
Dinner:
Wine (NOT tier dal blood wine)
Sauteed eggplant, or non-sentient mushroom, over pasta with a white garlic sauce
Garlic bread
Side Salad + vinaigrette
Dessert:
ANYthing from Voleen's. You can't really fail with one of her pies...jumjum, apple, you name it.
Everfrost (fair trade) Coffee
Not too shabby, eh? When you get around Maj Dul and find some of the more "Eclectic" food stands, you can get some really interesting combinations as well. They love their spicy food!
Anyway, I wasn't too sure how long I could keep this up, but given the options for meat in Norrath and the odds of it having been off a diseased animal, dropped on the floor, licked/nibbled/gnawed/chewed before reaching the grill and other assorted horrible options that leave one feeling "funny" later, it really wasn't that hard of a "lifestyle" choice to make, other than having to go out of my way a bit for ingredients.
Thank goodness for mail order and connections, though!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Tourists.
So this morning I was standing in the kitchen, fixing myself a cup of coffee, when I heard a loud noise. It startled me and I spilled my coffee all over the place...my shirt included.
The guard dragon outside the front door had belched up some flame, and the sound was like a small thunderclap. My Druid friend's blessed tree was fried to a crisp, and the smell on the patio was like a box of rotten eggs exploded. I really need to bring the wolf over here and send that dragon to an ogre friend.
I threw my shirt in the sink to soak and set about cleaning up.
Turns out he wasn't just belching. He was announcing the arrival of a band of tourists out visiting homes. I had forgotten I'd registered the cottage with the Homeshow Directory.
If it had been Freeportians, there's a chance it would have been less of a disaster. Not only would the smell have not bothered any of them, but when a Freeportian acts up in your home, you're welcome to deliver whatever punishment you see fit. As a result, Freeportians, defying stereotype, are well behaved and scrupulously polite, knowing that they may end up under your floorboards for poor behavior.
Qeynosians, on the other hand, are not so cautious. Their "just" laws protect them and so they feel FREE to opine and pontificate to their hearts content. In this case, in my kitchen, noses in the air, with me standing there holding a tea towel over my chest, pondering an international incident.
It wasn't a great start to the day. I think I'll be doing some touring of Qeynosian homes this evening, after hours.
The guard dragon outside the front door had belched up some flame, and the sound was like a small thunderclap. My Druid friend's blessed tree was fried to a crisp, and the smell on the patio was like a box of rotten eggs exploded. I really need to bring the wolf over here and send that dragon to an ogre friend.
I threw my shirt in the sink to soak and set about cleaning up.
Turns out he wasn't just belching. He was announcing the arrival of a band of tourists out visiting homes. I had forgotten I'd registered the cottage with the Homeshow Directory.
If it had been Freeportians, there's a chance it would have been less of a disaster. Not only would the smell have not bothered any of them, but when a Freeportian acts up in your home, you're welcome to deliver whatever punishment you see fit. As a result, Freeportians, defying stereotype, are well behaved and scrupulously polite, knowing that they may end up under your floorboards for poor behavior.
Qeynosians, on the other hand, are not so cautious. Their "just" laws protect them and so they feel FREE to opine and pontificate to their hearts content. In this case, in my kitchen, noses in the air, with me standing there holding a tea towel over my chest, pondering an international incident.
It wasn't a great start to the day. I think I'll be doing some touring of Qeynosian homes this evening, after hours.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Catching Up
Past Journal Entries:
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Today I met some lovely people on the road. They were so nice, in fact, they gave me their jewelry and a little gold thing one gnome man called a "time keeper." Fancy that!
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I scored a nice, easy gig 'reacquiring' valuables upon one of the travel vessels leaving Qeynos. Or so I thought. This whole Raptor Breeding Program they've added is the pits! I had to pry a LOT of teeth out of my chain mail after work today and the bruises...oy vey. Now I have to go hire someone to repair this set, which will be expensive. I had not thought to include Raptor Damage in the pre-agreed work-related-expenses. FML
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Today our raid leader locked us in a small room with an angry 400,000 pound dragon.
Hilarity ensued (not).
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Dear Diary, today I was going to go out and adventure, but I seem to have caught Froglok Flu. Symptoms are turning green and, well, let's say I'm going through a lot of kleenex. I've been moping around the house sniffling and reading books to keep busy. I picked up a book called The Big Bang Theory about the Drednever Expedition. It was pretty short, actually... the expedition, that is. The book was written by the OCD gnome engineer who blew up the ship. Wasn't much of a twist given the title and ...well, having BEEN at the wreck of the ship. Surprising lack of regret from the gnome. I always see them as tiny sociopaths...
Later Note:
I'm glad they sell cures for this over the counter. I though I'd just ride it out and save my coins but after 7 fireflies, 2 spiders and trying to actually swallow a kliknik beetle, I decided enough was enough. It REALLY did not help that the vender was a Fae. It's lucky he thought to spread his wings when he did.
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Today I thought I would go out, get back on track and train. I spent some time at Bayle's pickpocketing pickpockets, scaled the outside wall of the Overlord's Citadel (stopped in to the clerk's office for a scone), ran the Thundering Steppes route for J-Boots twice, dropped in to Enchanted Lands for a Bixie Honey and JumJum smoothie, then practiced pullups hanging from the legs of an ogre's griffin while it flew across an icy sea. I had a nice dinner with Mayong (ribeye and fresh broccoli for me, glass of the red stuff for him), then ran back out to do a quick contract for Lucan. Good day, in all. Probably not as assertive as I should have been in my training, but something is better than nothing, my friends!
Later Note:
In case anyone wondered about that contract, it was just a quick collection on an Existence Fee owed by some High Elf guests.
Really pretty easy work. High elves don't accept that a lowly you would be speaking to beautiful them and refuse to admit they're being mugged at all. You can pretty much do your work in peace, if you're out of sight of a guard, Barbarian or Human (what is WITH humans that they have to interfere in *every*thing?). Easy peasy. I took an extra 50% commission and remembered to add on travel expenses this time. Lucan can eat an ogre's shorts if he thinks I'm going to feed my griffin on ether alone.
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Dear Diary, I wish Baker Voleen would give in to my bribes and start franchising. It really sucks having to sneak into Qeynos to get myself a decent latte. I tried suggesting she open a stand out in Antonica or in Enchanted Lands, but her business does so well in Qeynos, she won't budge. Says she's bending the rules just to sell to me in the first place.
Such a pity, this is rough and I'm getting a little worn out! The other day, a guard spotted me mid-croissant. It's a good thing I've learned to eat on the run, or I'd have had to finish my lunch in the sewers. Never a great experience and unless you're a troll, the last place for a picnic.
Speaking of...I need to find another way into town. I don't think I'm helping debunk the myth that Freeportians stink by coming in from this direction... I do indeed stink by the time I get out of there. Gods, what I go through for a latte and a snack!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today I met some lovely people on the road. They were so nice, in fact, they gave me their jewelry and a little gold thing one gnome man called a "time keeper." Fancy that!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I scored a nice, easy gig 'reacquiring' valuables upon one of the travel vessels leaving Qeynos. Or so I thought. This whole Raptor Breeding Program they've added is the pits! I had to pry a LOT of teeth out of my chain mail after work today and the bruises...oy vey. Now I have to go hire someone to repair this set, which will be expensive. I had not thought to include Raptor Damage in the pre-agreed work-related-expenses. FML
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today our raid leader locked us in a small room with an angry 400,000 pound dragon.
Hilarity ensued (not).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Diary, today I was going to go out and adventure, but I seem to have caught Froglok Flu. Symptoms are turning green and, well, let's say I'm going through a lot of kleenex. I've been moping around the house sniffling and reading books to keep busy. I picked up a book called The Big Bang Theory about the Drednever Expedition. It was pretty short, actually... the expedition, that is. The book was written by the OCD gnome engineer who blew up the ship. Wasn't much of a twist given the title and ...well, having BEEN at the wreck of the ship. Surprising lack of regret from the gnome. I always see them as tiny sociopaths...
Later Note:
I'm glad they sell cures for this over the counter. I though I'd just ride it out and save my coins but after 7 fireflies, 2 spiders and trying to actually swallow a kliknik beetle, I decided enough was enough. It REALLY did not help that the vender was a Fae. It's lucky he thought to spread his wings when he did.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today I thought I would go out, get back on track and train. I spent some time at Bayle's pickpocketing pickpockets, scaled the outside wall of the Overlord's Citadel (stopped in to the clerk's office for a scone), ran the Thundering Steppes route for J-Boots twice, dropped in to Enchanted Lands for a Bixie Honey and JumJum smoothie, then practiced pullups hanging from the legs of an ogre's griffin while it flew across an icy sea. I had a nice dinner with Mayong (ribeye and fresh broccoli for me, glass of the red stuff for him), then ran back out to do a quick contract for Lucan. Good day, in all. Probably not as assertive as I should have been in my training, but something is better than nothing, my friends!
Later Note:
In case anyone wondered about that contract, it was just a quick collection on an Existence Fee owed by some High Elf guests.
Really pretty easy work. High elves don't accept that a lowly you would be speaking to beautiful them and refuse to admit they're being mugged at all. You can pretty much do your work in peace, if you're out of sight of a guard, Barbarian or Human (what is WITH humans that they have to interfere in *every*thing?). Easy peasy. I took an extra 50% commission and remembered to add on travel expenses this time. Lucan can eat an ogre's shorts if he thinks I'm going to feed my griffin on ether alone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Diary, I wish Baker Voleen would give in to my bribes and start franchising. It really sucks having to sneak into Qeynos to get myself a decent latte. I tried suggesting she open a stand out in Antonica or in Enchanted Lands, but her business does so well in Qeynos, she won't budge. Says she's bending the rules just to sell to me in the first place.
Such a pity, this is rough and I'm getting a little worn out! The other day, a guard spotted me mid-croissant. It's a good thing I've learned to eat on the run, or I'd have had to finish my lunch in the sewers. Never a great experience and unless you're a troll, the last place for a picnic.
Speaking of...I need to find another way into town. I don't think I'm helping debunk the myth that Freeportians stink by coming in from this direction... I do indeed stink by the time I get out of there. Gods, what I go through for a latte and a snack!
Profile of a Thief
Rei's profile:
Introduction
I'm an acquisitions specialist dealing in rare metals and precious gems, the occasional fine art piece or valuable item. If you have anything of worth, I may be of service to you.
Bragging rights
I'm from the suburbs of Freeport, but I can blend with the best of Qeynos's elite. Granted, I don't think that's saying much, it's the Freeportians you have to fool.
Occupation
Brigand
Employment
- Overlord IncorporatedPublic Relations, present
- Bayle's Department StoreReacquisition Specialist
- Gorowyn FlatsCollections
Places lived
Home
| Address |
Not really advised.
|
Work
| Just carry extra money, jewelry, that sort of thing. I'll find you. | |
Relationship
It's complicated
Looking for
Networking
Gender
Female
Other names
"Stop, thief!"
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